Par Avion

For four days in a row, my husband has been on missions. His missions thus far consist of sitting in a big truck, called a Buffalo, with a handful of other soldiers, moving along the road at about 5mph and checking it for hidden roadside bombs. It is a slow, tedious job requiring focus and attention to minute details. After an 8 hour mission, the men are ready for a quick meal and a long sleep.

I can sympathize with their weariness. I, too, have been on many missions in the past month.

Imagining how boring it must be to eat MREs (Meals-Ready-to-Eat) every day, and understanding the tedious nature of life in the flat dusty deserts of Afghanistan, I took it upon myself as Commander-in-Chief-of-the-House to make sure that my boys were well cared for. I pledged my allegiance to the Postal Service of America and bought a stack of flat-rate boxes.

Then I sat down to do inventory:

1 healthy snack. Check. 1 sweet snack. Check. Oh! Rice Krispie Treats! They'll love those too..... Dried fruit. Check. There must be a serious deficiency of essential vitamins and nutrients... better buy some Centrum... 1 Candy. Check. Make it 3. Check. Love those tissue packs! Dan always get a little drippy before bed...throw em in! Something to pass the time. Pick Up Sticks or Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs? Oh, how about a deck of Uno cards. New boxers because Dan's turned brown. From  his ACU's, he says...Check. 9 foot long, handmade fleece blanket. Check. Books. Check. Alarm clock. Check. iTunes gift cards. Check. Pictures of all my highschool trophies that I threw away last week because now I'm an Army life and I can't take anything sacred with me when we move 5 trillion times to the end of the earth. @#$^@$#$ !! Check.

I nearly tripped twice as I walked into the post office. It was hard to see around the massive box I had packed to the gills. But, I was proud of my individually packaged goody bags, each of which included a personalized, handwritten Thank You note decorated with a Bible verse , sparkly stickers, and inspirational phrases like "Hooah!" "You're a hero!" and "Go Army!" I nearly fell again when the sweet postal worker suggested I split the goods into two smaller boxes for quicker delivery. I dumped my precious cargo all over the floor and separated, organized, and collated efficiently while I tried to ignore the embarrassed flush creeping into my cheeks. All for the cause, Jussley....!

Finally packaged!
What?! I have to fill out an itemized list for the government?!

Forget that!
Item: cookies
Quantity: 400
Price: A lot!
Good enough! Feels like 400 cookies, anyway!

I proudly hauled the boxes up, paid my final dues (bringing the cost of the entire endeavor to a modest $200), and waved over my shoulder.

"See you next week, ladies!"

I pulled the car out of the lot and raced toward Walmart to start my next mission...

Apples to Apples On-the-Go or Bananagrams...?


...and again I say "Hooah!"